You Are A Whore

I never thought I'd be able to do something so horrible so easily. All he ever did was care about me. Maybe he did care a little too much. It's mean, it is my choice who I'm friends with, he doesn't control that, and he should've learned a long time that he doesn't control me. But now that I've done something, something so dispicable, something that I have to tell him, but am hesitant because I know it will hurt him bad.

I knew what would happen when we went together. I knew how I felt towards this new being, this new light. He's always bright, always happy and cares so much. Not like him, who suddenly feels the need to drag me down with him. I do love this new light, and I am not willing to let it go out.

When we kissed for the first time, I was happier than I could possible imagine for having just destroyed a young tie between me and someone. But I didn't regret it. And I still don't. What I regret is ending the night so quickly, not cherishing every moment, every touch, every kiss, every laugh as well as I should. How could I be so blind? I knew that when morning came, I was in for a new load of hell. But I accepted it. I brought it upon myself after all. I have learned to accept the consequences of my actions.

But now, one consequence, I'm afraid to face. I've accepted what I have to do. I've decided that I want to do it. I just don't know how. There's no way around hurting him, I've accepted that too. But it still hurts inside to know that I'll be doing this to someone who cares so much. I know what it feels like, and I promised myself I wouldn't do it to someone else, I wouldn't do what I'd had done to me.

Can I break that promise to myself for my own selfish reasons? Can I actually hurt someone, to be with another? Can I really break someones heart?