You Knew It Would Be This Way

I have officially decided that God intended for me to live life alone. I have absolutely no luck in the romantical department. Honestly... I purely 100% suck at it!!

I told myself at the beginning of the year, that if I got depressed about a guy more then once I was officially going off to become the crazy cat lady who grows gray all alone in some big house with her fifty-something cats. And ya know what? It's been over thirty times this year (not thirty guys, but thirty times)!! HAH! So you know what that means? That means Fluffy and his hordes of offspring just found themselves a new home!

All my life (yes even when I was little) I absolutely adored the aspect of romance and love and I had always pictured myself as finding somebody, not perfect (not even close, I look in the mirror every once in a while too), but somebody who I cared about you know? And a few times, I thought I did. But it's in the nature of people to kind of let you down, isn't it? I mean, when was the last time you ever had someone who didn't fail you in one way or another? And not just those forgivable overlookable little ways, but those really BIG ways that you just can't forget?

And somebody can only do that to you so many times before you just totally give up! I know that I focus too much on it, but it's important to me. I hate being alone. But I don't want to rush into something to find out that I don't really give a damn about that person.

But okay... I mean, you have to be a little cautious of the dating wagon after getting dumped by a gay guy who was using you to get closer to a guy who you thought of as a brother but really had this undying crush on you and threatens to kill himself so you end up in this weird mess and end up engaged before he finds someone better. And you know, they always find someone better.

And then you get the people who you think really really love you! BUT THEN all they really want is you to take your clothes off for them. That always sucks majorly, and if it happens one more time to me I swear to God I am going to kill myself... They're like "Hey Baby... nice strawberries" (Yes...... I had someone try that one out as a pickup line when I was carrying a strawberry plant out of Wal-Mart ((by the way, you can always count on Wal-Mart for stalkers... always! )) and my mother was standing right there and we're like... pfft... oh my god...) and then the next thing you know, WHAM! They're asking you to get down and dirty when you clearly expressed you were looking for something a little more serious, NOT a "good time" as those over sexed morons call it.

AND THEN there's the amount of time you spend every day trying to look your best for that one person, hoping to God that they'll just talk to you! Or how you fall asleep listening to love songs and thinking about them right on through the night so you have officially wasted over 48 hours thinking non-stop about one person who is NEVER going to give a damn or even KNOW you want them!

I had so many good romantic ideas planned out too... but hell, they're going into a shoebox at the back corner in the closet of my mind and will be forgotten there until I "move out" and some other hopeless romantic finds it.